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The LIDL Wine Project

After the dramatic and exciting success of The Value Noodle Project, we felt compelled to continue our campaign for more informed students. A little thinking made us realise that the perfect complement to a bowl of value noodles is a bottle of cheap wine. And so began, little ones, The LIDL Wine Project.

Why only LIDL wines? There are too many reasons to recount - it would take longer than a piece of string to do - so suffice to say that:

  1. LIDL is the best
  2. LIDL sells a lot of cheap wines
  3. We can avoid introducing pro-LIDL bias against other supermarkets this way

Enter the wine merchant...

Before each bottle, we ate one quarter of a LIDL cream and jam filled doughnut, as a kind of quality control. To make it a fair test, Michael was denied this pleasure (he greedily ate his hours before we began).


Lambrusco

The first "wine" we bought was a bottle of Lambrusco... we start with class. At 1.49, it was a little steep, and not the best way to wash down a nice bowl of chicken flavoured LIDL noodles, but we drank undaunted.


Pinot Grigio

This wine, a 'Pinot Grigio', looked a little more promising. I mean at least this time it qualifies as wine, without the bubbles and absurdly sweet taste. It got a special negative point from Bob because it's impossible for retards to open. Hmm.


Niersteiner Gutes Domtal

How many times have you heard someone say: "Yum, nothing like a bottle of Niersteiner Gutes Domtal!"


Ian can't take it

Let it be known that by the third bottle Ian was already ridding himself of the venom in disgust. Amateur.


Prosecco

The final bottle, a 'Prosecco', won our hearts for replacing the annoying-to-rip-off foil over the cork with a piece of string. Anything that employs a piece of string is a top contender in my books!


The wreckage

Four bottles of wine, four doughnuts, and lots of used party cups and plates later...

The results

Similar to the noodle testing, we rated each wine according to it's taste, aftertaste and aroma.

Brand Toby Ian Bob Mike Tom Total Ave Total
Lambrusco Taste 1 1 5 5 3 15
Aftertaste 3 1 7 6 4 21
Aroma 2 1 2 1 2 8 44
Pinot Grigio Taste 3 1 6 2 2 14
Aftertaste 1 2 3 0 1 7
Aroma 1 2 2 1 0 6 27
Niersteiner Taste 1 0 3 4 3 11
Aftertaste 2 0 7 1 5 15
Aroma 0 0 5 0 3 8 34
Prosecco Taste 3 2 6 7 2 20
Aftertaste 2 0 5 3 5 15
Aroma 2 1 7 4 4 18 53
TOTAL 21 11 58 34 34 158 158

All one can sensibly conclude from these results, given that the highest score was approximately 33%, is that you should never, on any occasion, buy white wine from LIDL. It was vile, and we need no further analysis to tell you that much!